The first year of freedom was exhilarating (a word I wouldn’t normally use). I could write a book on the crazy experiences I had that first year, but it got pretty old and pretty depressing. I missed being in a relationship, especially on those lazy Sundays. I started to daydream whenever I would see couples together and looked back on how I was part of that world for so long but yet it felt so long since I was in one. I started to date and felt as if it was going nowhere. The entire dating process was grueling and I hated it more each time I went on another date. I felt more comfortable going on a job interview or getting my teeth pulled out by my Dentist. I just wanted to quit.
Ever since my break-up, I kept in touch with this guy from college who contacted me on Facebook. He was going through a break-up as well and decided to get certified in Spanish by going to a school in Argentina. We got together for dinner so he can pick my brain about the country since my family was from there. We then began to spend a lot of time together before he had to leave, going biking, to restaurants, exploring Brooklyn. Our relationship in the beginning was strictly platonic since we both weren’t ready for that due to our situations, so it was nice to just hangout without worrying about it getting weird. He left the end of that summer and returned for winter break the following January. We barely contacted each other while he was gone, but when he returned he invited me to the opera. I was so excited since I’ve been going on these horrible job interview/teeth pulling like dates. Finally!! I finally got to go on a nice date with someone I really enjoy spending time with.
The entire date felt very surreal. I felt like Loretta Castorini in Moonstruck when she gets all glammed up to go to the Opera for the first time and falls for her date after having such a magical night. We had the entire Opera experience with dinner before the show, dessert during intermission and champagne throughout the meal. Jack is not a very aggressive type of guy so it was very cute when he slowly went for my hand during the show. I was so giddy for the first time in a very long time. When he dropped me off I really thought he would make a move, but he didn’t. Instead it ended with me going for the kiss and getting nothing in return. Very awkWARD!! Even more awkward when my drunk ass tried it again and got a very tight lipped kiss in return.
Jack came over for dinner the night before he had to leave for Argentina. I had given up and refused to even flirt with him. We had a nice dinner and drank the wine he brought over. After a few glasses he kept telling me he had a confession to make but needed to drink a little more before he confessed. His little confession was that he developed a crush on me when we went to college together, but since I had a boyfriend he never was able to act on those feelings. We then had a long talk about how we felt about each other and how it was poor timing since he was leaving the next day. He finally made a move and stayed over that night. It definitely was bittersweet. The entire time he was gone I received flowers, little gifts, letters and post cards almost every week. It was so nice getting all that attention by someone that genuinely wanted and had been wanting to be with me. It was very romantic and definitely nothing I had ever experienced in the past.
Days before his return I started feeling very anxious and praying I wasn’t going to fuck this up. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling this way because when he was gone I just wanted to start my relationship with him. I invited him over for dinner the first night he returned. He came over with two very large bags of individually wrapped gifts, a bottle of wine, and flowers from my favorite Flower Shop. One of the gifts I opened were old Tango records that I put on as I unwrapped the rest of the gifts. He had a story for every gift explaining where he bought it, why he bought and how it was a perfect gift for me. It really was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. He stayed over that night and I began to feel very ill. The next morning I called out sick from work since I could barely open my eyes from the huge migraine I had. He ran out to the Pharmacy to get me some Vitamin Water and medication. I stayed in bed the entire day while he walked my dog, cleaned my kitchen and gave me my medicine. When I got up and went into the living room, he asked me if he can just leave his toothbrush in the bathroom instead of having to bring it over every time (he basically wanted to be another roommate!!) My head immediately started to spin after that and I wanted to puke (on his toothbrush). It dawned on me then and there, I was not into him at all and he was definitely invading my space. He wouldn’t leave!!! I had to finally tell him that it was going to be an early night for me since I had to work the next day and needed my rest. He finally left at 10pm the next night. I felt really sick about the entire situation.
My friend from North Carolina was visiting and invited her and her girlfriend to stay over my place for the weekend. A crew of us went out that Saturday and I decided to give Jack another chance and invited him as well. The entire night I just wanted him gone and really did not feel attracting to him in the slightest. At the end of the night I gave up my bed to my friend and her girlfriend hoping that Jack would realize that all I had to sleep on was the couch and there isn’t room for the both of us. I also made a comment about him taking home the food he brought over earlier that day. He asked if he could crash for a little bit in order to sober up. Being the nice person that I am, I accepted. We went for a walk since I had to take me dog out and I lost it. I began to cry and told him that I couldn’t do this, that I wasn’t ready to get involved. His mouth dropped and he then expressed how hurt he felt but that he understood considering what I have been through. I felt better and thought he would leave after that conversation, but he didn’t. I ended up sleeping on the floor while he slept on the couch. He didn’t leave until 3:30pm the next day!!
I really thought after that conversation he would get the hint, but I was wrong. He emailed me a long message about how happy he is to be home and start our relationship. I then had to email him back and was more blunt about how I can’t, I’m not ready, and how I don’t want to continue any further since my head isn’t right. He wanted to get together to talk about this face to face. I agreed since I figured it was the least I can do. We went out to dinner and then went for a long walk to talk. It was almost like a counseling session on my 11 yr relationship and what I need to do in order to be okay. He asked so many questions about it and analyzed ever answer I had. He was an amazing listener and I felt a lot better about everything. The next day I get a phone call by him telling me all the places he wants to take me to and how I should meet his best friend that was going to be in town. What happened to giving me space??? I told him I’d give him a call when I wanted to go out.
A few days go by and I get an email basically saying that he now realizes that I am not ready for a relationship and how he would like to come by to take all the gifts back. I was a bit thrown back by this but was happy to give it all back since it didn’t feel right keeping everything. He came over and it was very awkward so I then asked him how he was doing in which he replies “I feel hurt and cut. I can barely breathe. Not handling this very well.” I really didn’t know what to say to that other than “I’m sorry”. Really, what did I have to be sorry for though? Sorry that I couldn’t handle being smothered so fast. Sorry that you didn’t know when to leave. Sorry that I don’t want to jump into something after being in a relationship that had been a scam for so many years. I really did feel horrible for hurting him. I actually hated myself for not wanting someone so thoughtful until I received another email from him a few weeks later. Weeks go by and I receive a message from him wanted the rest of his stuff back that he left at my place like the beer he brought over a month prior, tea bags, and other small gifts he gave me and my roommate. His true colors finally showed and I thought to myself, “Wow, I really dodged a bullet there.” He was a bit cold in the email and would say he was coming one day and then tell me last minute that it wasn’t a good day. I finally emailed him that he could pick up his things at my friends boutique and gave him her hours of operation so I never had to see him again.
Jack was supposed to be Mr. Nice Guy, the guy that says and does all the “right” things. However, his entire persona was bullshit and his true colors showed as soon as things didn’t go the way he wanted them to go. The fact is, I was tired of being single and wanted it to work so badly with him since he was such a “nice” guy. It never felt right with him and it was almost as if I was waiting for his true colors to show. I have to learn to be patient because there has to be someone out there for me that is smart, fun, attractive and has his shit together. I plan to give it another year before I start to freak the fuck out.
