No Christmas??

My friend Lee was visiting from Boston last minute so I always want to plan the best time possible whenever a friend visits. Luckily, there was a local party going on that Saturday. The social light of our neighborhood, Dancing Tony, had planned a big bash at his place which involved three rooms of DJs. I’ve always heard how great his parties always are but never experienced them until now. His apt was a pretty large size for city living which included three large rooms with DJs, lockers in a corner of the room w/available keys for guests to lock up their belongings, a room with a bar set up and an eat in kitchen w/the bathroom to the side. The place was pretty crowded when we got there and they all seemed to be having a pretty good time drinking, dancing and laughing. Lee was in the market for some herb and I felt bad that I didn’t have any for him. At the moment of him asking, I smelled it in the air and followed the sent to the adjacent room. I saw a few guys sitting on the couch passing a joint around and asked them if they had any to spare.  Lucky for us they did and we joined in the fun. It was going to be a good night.

As the night progressed, the music got even better and everyone was dancing. I began to look around the room and noticed an attractive guy with beautiful bluish green eyes. He was dancing behind me and we bumped into each other a couple times since I can be clumsy, especially when I spot someone attractive. He commented playfully about how I need to watch myself. We slowly began to lean in towards each other and eventually started dancing together. He kept trying to kiss me but I really didn’t want to make it that easy and plus, I do not enjoy making out in front of friends since I am a classy broad. After hours went by, Lee and our other friends were calling it a night so Lee went back to my apt with my roommate and I decided to stay for a bit longer. As soon as they left, I looked into his eyes and let him kiss me. His name was Randy and we had a really good time that night.

I gave Randy my number and he called me the next day to walk around the neighborhood and grab a bite to eat. It was Sunday in the late afternoon and I had just finished cleaning. At this point in my life, I was at the “I don’t give a shit” phase of dating. I had gone out on several, got all dolled up, and it always went to shit. When Randy had called me, I had my hair up in a ponytail and barrettes, had torn jeans on, a sweater and sneakers. I was not planning on changing. I met up with him outside of my apt and we walked over to a café. We talked about our neighborhood mostly and how strange it was that we never ran into each other considering how long we both lived in Jersey City and only blocks away. It also seemed like we enjoyed the same places to eat and even went to the same local bars, but never noticed each other until the previous night at the party. After the café, we walked around the neighborhood for a while until we ended up at a nearby park where we sat and talked some more. He commented on how he thought my barrettes were cute. I began to laugh and mentioned how I had my lazy Sunday outfit on. He then laughed as well with a sarcastic remark on how it really did look like I was trying to make a good impression, especially with my awesome kicks. In a serious tone I said “you never know when you have to run from a date.”  Lucky for me, he laughed.

On our next date, we went out to dinner to this local artisan pizzeria. While we were talking and waiting for our meal, I noticed his comments of being Jewish. I’ve never been one to care about religion at all. Being in a church actually makes me feel uncomfortable and out of place since I don’t really know the rules. However, religion has always been intriguing to me the way monkeys are to scientists. Honestly though, I always thought it was strange when people would weed out mates because of their religion. It was a strange feeling when I began to be bothered by his comments of Christmas and how it meant nothing to him. I never realized how important that time of the year was to me and I needed to be with others that enjoyed it as much as I did. I wasn’t about to weed him out though even if my apt looked like it through up Christmas. Fortunately he was very open to doing Christmas related things with me. One night we went to see an old Christmas movie with me at the Historic Movie Theater of Loews. The entire place was filled with Christmas decorations, Christmas music and before the movie started, they showed old animated Christmas shorts.  It was amazing! He seemed to enjoy it and it was a lovely night.

We went on a few dates and there were things that started to really irk me about him. One night, I invited him over for dinner. As we were having dinner, my dog had his paws on his lap begging for food. He flipped the fuck out on my dog! I jumped back when I heard him scold my dog by saying “NO, GET DOWN NOW!!” as he pushed him down. It was a bit out of line considering my dog isn’t all that big and you barely have to whisper a no sometimes to get him to stop bothering you. Another night, he put his oddly small, dirty finger in my mouth while were at the movies. After he did that I basically threatened his life if he were to try that again. The last straw was when I invited him to my Christmas party. Towards the end of the party, he broke one of my pinned butterfly displays that I made by stretching out his stupid arm and causing it to fall to the ground. Not even a sorry came out of his mouth after he did that. He grabbed it out of my hand and thought he could fix it. I was debating in my mind to just grab him by the arm and tell him it was time for him to go.  After that night, I never talked to him again.

I don’t care if I seem picky, but I don’t think I ask for much.  All I would like is for a guy to have a job, be polite, patient and nice to my god damn dog! Oh and most importantly, atheist.

Happy Holidays???

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always looked forward to the holidays minus the crummy weather. Since my extended family lives in Argentina, my immediate family would get together every year with close friends that also had family in Argentina. All the kids were around the same age so it was always a good time after the occasional fight here and there. Christmas Eve would be the big party with the friends and we would open some gifts there, then when we would come home, more gifts would magically appear under our Christmas tree which we would open the next morning. As I got older, traditions would change but that warm feeling of being with the people you loved, surrounded with good food and music never changed. I never really felt like I aged during the holidays, always felt like that 10yr old kid enjoying all the decorations, lights, Christmas music, Christmas movies and of course, the wonderful gifts. Following Christmas was New Years which was also spent with good friends and family laughing, dancing, eating and reminiscing good memories of the years past.

In the beginning of my relationship with X, the holidays were extra special since he was going to art school in San Francisco so would come home for a couple months to visit. I would go over his father’s place Christmas Eve after celebrating with my family and we would exchange gifts. Being a new couple, we were just starting to get to really know each other and trying to figure out what each others interests were so the gifts were very simple in the beginning. As the years went on, we would almost compete with the amount of gifts we would get each other and try to top the other. When we finally moved in together, our tree was filled with presents for each other. Christmas Eve we would open one gift, then Christmas day we would open the rest. I even enjoyed all the holiday parties we would have to go to since his parents were divorced, we would have his father’s party which was a couple weeks before Christmas, his uncle’s party a week prior to Christmas, my parent’s house Christmas Eve, his mother’s house Christmas day. Most would get annoyed with all the running around, but I loved every minute of it.  I really enjoyed being surrounded by all the different families and all the very different personalities.

My emotions were definitely a roller coaster ride after our break up. I kept myself really busy with my friends and traveling so I didn’t allow myself to be alone with my thoughts for too long. When the holidays came around that first year, I was a mess. Things were definitely different and I wasn’t ready for that empty lonely feeling. I tried my best to hold my head up and make up my new traditions with my friends and my immediate family. When December finally came, I bought a Christmas tree with my friends and we decorated it together. I then planned a holiday party with all my friends and it was a great time. Everything I was doing seemed to help, but it was only suppressing my emotions. My sister was having Christmas for the first time in her house in Connecticut so I drove there Christmas Eve. On the 2 hour drive there, my emotions finally came to the surface and it was such a dark time for me. At that moment, I received a call from X’s mom while I was driving. I could no longer hold it in and couldn’t stop crying while talking to her and she did the same. We were once family and that was all taken away the night I received that horrible email. There was no maintaining that relationship with his family since there was no longer “us”. Not only did he and I break up, but I also broke up with his entire family. I got to my sisters and that night and I had to sleep with my mother since there is only one guest room so I share it with my mother and my father gets the couch. I’m not one to really share much with my family, but that night I could no longer hold back. I held in my feelings until I crawled into bed and my thoughts were going crazy. I started to weep and my mother tried to comfort me. All I really needed at that moment was a shoulder and luckily my mother was there to give it to me.

The holidays of 2010 were finally over and the worst year was now the past. As time went on, I felt better about our break up. He would be on my mind every now and then, but I started to realize I am better off without him in my life. 2011 flew by and it was a much better year with only a few hurdles. The holidays were coming up and many plans were made. Starting with November, there were parties almost every week until New Years. The holidays were once again a happy time and it felt good being surrounded by my friends. Christmas was around the corner and as days went by my happiness began to fade. I suddenly couldn’t get X out of my mind and I couldn’t stop thinking about the traditions we once shared. It got to a point that I would start crying out of nowhere and I became very depressed and scared. I really couldn’t understand where all this was coming from since I have been doing so well this entire year. I started to think about getting help so I called a therapist the week of New Years to make an appointment since I could no longer deal with my emotions. My depression started to get the best of me and I believe it started affecting my immune system since I started feeling pretty ill. I took every supplement I could to boost my immune system so that my New Years Eve wouldn’t be ruined. On New Years Eve I was completely burnt out, but I drank as much fluids I could so that I can get through the night since I had big plans with friends. We all got dolled up and it turned out to be an amazing night of eating, drinking, laughing, and dancing. It was exactly what I needed.

When I woke up on New Years Day, a strange feeling of happiness came over me. I and about 15 others had plans to go over my friend KK’s apt that is in my building for brunch. The entire day was spent eating, joking around and whole lot of laughter. I don’t think I have ever laughed that much in one day. It all finally made sense to me as I sat there and looked around at my inappropriate friends that day. I have something now that I haven’t had for years, a great group of friends that are always there for me and that truly care about me. Being in a relationship, I had different small groups of friends that I would see sporadically, but most of my time was spent working during the week and hanging out at home with my boyfriend on the weekends. Also, I really wasn’t happy with him for a long time so it was very lonely which is a different type of loneliness than what I’ve been feeling being single. It’s easy to only think about the good of what a relationship once was, but in reality there was more bad than good when we were together. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t change anything that has happened the past 2 yrs. I am happy things ended the way they did. I may get down and I may miss being in a relationship, but I really don’t miss being with him. I’m happy with the life I have and the wonderful friends that surround me. It may take years before I find someone that is right for me which is something I have come to terms with. It really is true when they say time heals all wounds. I guess I just need a little more time.

Drum Drum Gimmy Sum

In the beginning single life was a whole lot of fun. After that first trip to Montreal I felt like I was reborn. The dating world was all new to me and I couldn’t wait to have fun with it. The weekend after we came back from Montreal, we went to a couple bars then ended our night at a lounge in Manhattan that KB would always go to. After we got our drinks I noticed this really attractive guy standing by the bar with a few people. I heard him speak French and the first thought that came to me was that this guy must be from Montreal. Why Montreal and not France? Well, we did just get back from Montreal and for all I knew every attractive guy was from Montreal. Anyway, I immediately tell KB my thoughts and as I am he leans over to me and introduces himself as Francois. We start talking and low and behold, Francois is from the land of the charming and beautiful…Montreal!! He was born and raised in Montreal, but later his family moved to LA (the land of the superficial). While we were talking he tells me that he is a drummer touring with his band and they had just finished playing a venue nearby. I never heard of his band but we did have musical interests in common along with many other things. One of the first things I usually notice about a guy is his clothing and Francois was very well dressed with his vintage oxford shoes. Francois was about 6’ and his face structure and eyes reminded me of Nicolas Cage circa 1987 with better teeth and way better facial hair.

We talked for awhile before the rest of his band came over and introduced themselves, then they invited us to come with them to the next location. We walked over to the next spot which was a nice little lounge with a couch to the side near the entrance. Francois and I sat down and talked the entire time about mostly music and some of our other interests mixed in. He got more and more attractive the more we talked, but was super shy. KB kept walking past us mouthing “what’s taking so long?” We talk for a bit more before telling him that it’s getting late and that we have to go. We exchange numbers and then he asks if he can have a kiss on the cheek. I go to kiss him on the cheek and he moves his face so that he could get a real kiss and proceeds to tell me that he tricked me. Meanwhile, I say “haha, you got me”, but what I’m really thinking is “whatever, took ya long enough. Now shut up and kiss me!” He was a great kisser and I really didn’t want to leave him just yet, but it was getting late. The next day he texts me how it was nice to meet me and he is looking forward to come visit NYC again so that we can see each other. I found out soon after that Francois was very young, possibly in his early 20s. We never did see each other again, but soon after our encounter, his band got pretty popular. So popular that he’s been on MTV quite a bit, which was weird to see. I congratulated him the other day via text after seeing that. Francois will be missed.

A week after I cut things off with “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, I was walking my dog and this character of a guy approaches me asking if I am a runner. I’m thrown off a bit because in my neighborhood, men are too scared to approach woman which is sometimes a good thing since most aren’t all that attractive anyway. This guy was very fit, had a retro/European look and made being completely bald very sexy. We talk on the corner for quite awhile before asking him what he does for a living. He tells me he’s a musician and after he says that, I really wanted to roll my eyes and walk away. He then tells me that he’s the drummer of a very popular musician, which I will not mention her real name but will call her Selina Spectra (you’ll never know who it is now). We’ll even change his name to Rave. The crazy thing is that earlier that day I was on Youtube and was watching some of her videos and posted one of my favorite songs from her (which is about fidelity) on my Facebook page. We then became FB friends and would communicate through that until a few weeks later he asked me to hangout. We met up at one of my favorite neighborhood bars. We ended up leaving and walking around the neighborhood. We must have walked and talked for hours before he walked me home and kissed me goodnight at my door. I can say that I have kissed quite a few men in my day, but have had little to no chemistry with most. When I kissed Rave, we definitely had chemistry. This I know since the hairs on the back of my neck shot right up. Rave was an amazing kisser and I really couldn’t wait to hangout with him again.

Our sporadic encounters, or what one may call a “date”, were never boring and definitely not predictable.  On one of our “dates”, Rave bought a bottle of wine and we decided to go sit by the waterfront and enjoy the beautiful skyline of lower Manhattan. Sounds pretty romantic right? Well, would have been if we remembered to bring a bottle opener. My brilliant idea was to use a key to push the cork down. We did that a few times until my key broke, but we were getting close so we used another key. When I finally heard some air come through, I grabbed the bottle from him and pushed real hard until the wine splashed all over me. After trying to clean the red wine stains from my shirt and pants, we were finally able to enjoy our corky bottle of Merlot. We enjoyed about a glass and a half until it started pouring really hard. Luckily, Rave drove there so we ran to the car and continued the rest of the date soaked and with wine stains in the car for a little while until he drove me home and we called it a night. Another day, Rave calls me up to go to a café not too far from where his apt is. As I am walking to his apt, I see him fly around the corner with his car, suddenly comes to a stop next to me and screams “get in!” He then flies off down the street before saying “I totally forgot I had a court date for a parking ticket! You don’t mind coming right?” I didn’t really have a chance to say no since by the time I was about to answer, we were pretty much almost there considering how fast he was going. When we get to the court room, there seemed to be a lot of cases and most were ahead of Rave’s case. I really wanted to shoot myself! I turned the sound off from my phone before deciding to play a game, didn’t realize that the volume key was only for the ringer. The loudest most obnoxious song started blasting from my phone and I couldn’t seem to turn my phone off. Every time I tried, the song got louder and louder. The security guard asks for my phone and tries to turn it off but had no luck. Then the judge takes the phone and tries to turn it off and he could not figure it out either. They proceeded to throw me out of the court room so for the rest of our “date”, I had to wait outside.

These encounters continued for months and for some odd reason, I get a kick out of it. Rave is not the person that I see myself being with for the long run, he has an ADD personality, wears the tightest briefs I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’m pretty sure everyone he knows has seen him naked at one point or another. Yet, I can’t get enough of it. I am so entertained by him. I’ve been analyzing our relationship since we’ve met wondering why the hell I put myself through that. When we first met, it was nice to just have fun and not have to worry about where things were going. Now, I realize that I miss being in a relationship and have had all the “fun” I can take. As I look even deeper into why I push the Romeos away and give my time to the flakes, I realize it’s because I know what to expect from the flakes. It’s a hard thing to deal with when you do meet a “nice” guy and expect him not to do you wrong, then turns into a big disappointment which ends in a broken heart. A flake never lets you down because your expectations of them are low to begin with. They don’t hide who they are and you know what to expect. I’ve learned a lot the past year and a half about relationships and about myself. Life has given me experiences that I like to think of as tests. Have a passed all of them? Absolutely not, but I can definitely say I have learned from them and will continue to do so.

Viente y Cuatro

They say that marriage and kids age a person. In a way I’m starting to believe in that theory considering I was definitely more tired and lazy during my nanny days. I have always been young minded, but there definitely is a time and place for it. However, I’m pretty damn good at it. A week after my break up, I really felt like I went back 11 yrs and started my 20s all over again. I was going out and traveling a whole lot more and I also started going out with my own little crew from the neighborhood. People tend to lose friends along the way as they age so when I belonged to a crew again, it felt like back in day. It felt good always knowing that I had plans along with knowing that it was always going to be a good time no matter where we ended up. It was definitely a party when the crew was together and all of us counted down the days until the weekend would reappear and the crew could get together to do it all over again.

The first thought that goes into my head when I think about Madrid is how beautiful the people are there. From the first night, KB and I would be in awe with how attractive everyone was and also how friendly the people were. KB was always good at researching places and knowing exactly what place would be a good time. We went to this lounge the first night and it was a nice layout with two rooms of bars, great music, couches, and dim lighting. We had a few drinks beforehand at this casual neighborhood bar where the bartender was trying out his special drinks on us so we had a nice little buzz goin’ on. When we got to the lounge, there weren’t that many people but the few that were there were already getting their dance on. We got our drinks and moved to the great beats. In moments, the place was filled with way more men than women and they were all very attractive. It was such a different experience at a bar than I have ever encountered. Not only was it filled with very attractive men but they were super friendly and very charming. The first guy I met was Juan. Juan had dirty blond silky hair to his shoulders, about 6’2, very lean, very very muscular, olive skin, and green eyes. He kept looking at me every time he would pass by. I finally approached him, he whispered something in my ear, looked into my eyes and kissed me. We barely spoke. We really didn’t have to speak. Not speaking at that moment felt very good. It didn’t take a minute before KB found some attractive friends of her own when we got separated. When we finally decided to communicate verbally with one another, I asked how old he was and he responded with “Veinte y cuatro”. Juan was only twenty four and at the time I was thirty one. It felt so wrong but it felt so good having fun and having someone so much younger than me think I was his age. Juan did not care a bit how old I was and was way more into it after he found out.

Halloween was the next night and it was a nice surprise that they also celebrate and get dressed up. We decided to go to the same lounge since we had such a great time the night before. We met quite a few people that night but what sticks in my mind were two very attractive pilots. The one was named Jaime who had a striking resemblance to a young Jason Priestley without the 90s hairdo. We spoke for awhile and he was very surprised that I was visiting from the states. His friend kept talking him up as if I wasn’t interested in him just by looks. He was hot. Had a good time with Jaime that night drinkin’, dancin’, talkin’ and kissin’. Then the age question pops up and he gives me the popular answer “viente y cuatro”. You all must be reading this thinking that this place must have been filled with people in there early to mid twenties which was not really the case. We met a few people prior to our interaction with the pilots who were our age. I can’t remember if I even bothered to tell him my age. Did I mention how attractive Jaime was??

We stayed in Madrid for only a few days then took a flight to Barcelona. Barcelona is so beautiful, everywhere we looked was a picture moment. One night we decided to go dancing. I haven’t been to a club in years and I’m not too crazy about them but this is Spain we are talking about so it couldn’t be all that bad. The music was ok and we ended up meeting a crew of people. We had a great time with them and danced the entire time we were there. We all left together and they wanted to walk us back to where our hotel was which had to be at least a 30min walk. We weren’t really attracted to these guys but they were a lot of fun. That is actually the big difference with Madrid and Barcelona, people are way more attractive in Madrid. Anyway, as we were walking back, KB asked them how old they were and that famous number reappeared “viente y cuatro”. How is it possible that everyone is 24??!! Not 23, not 25, but always 24!!! The funniest part was when we told them how old we were their mouths dropped. They were a little freaked out by it as was I. They were definitely less enthused about walking us all that way just to find out with weren’t in their age range.

I could go on and on with my “24” stories like when we went back to Montreal and the only guy that hit on me was 24 or the time my friend told me about her cousin’s crush on  me who is also 24 or the time I was working and the engineer thought I was 24. What does this all mean?!! Not gonna lie, it is pretty damn flattering when people think I’m still in my 20s or when attractive young men still hit on me, but it’s not really getting me to where I want to be and that’s in a real relationship that has a future. I know it may seem like I’m complaining, which is not at all the case. It’s more of an accomplishment so I thought I’d brag about it.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

The first year of freedom was exhilarating (a word I wouldn’t normally use). I could write a book on the crazy experiences I had that first year, but it got pretty old and pretty depressing. I missed being in a relationship, especially on those lazy Sundays. I started to daydream whenever I would see couples together and looked back on how I was part of that world for so long but yet it felt so long since I was in one. I started to date and felt as if it was going nowhere. The entire dating process was grueling and I hated it more each time I went on another date. I felt more comfortable going on a job interview or getting my teeth pulled out by my Dentist. I just wanted to quit.

Ever since my break-up, I kept in touch with this guy from college who contacted me on Facebook. He was going through a break-up as well and decided to get certified in Spanish by going to a school in Argentina. We got together for dinner so he can pick my brain about the country since my family was from there. We then began to spend a lot of time together before he had to leave, going biking, to restaurants, exploring Brooklyn. Our relationship in the beginning was strictly platonic since we both weren’t ready for that due to our situations, so it was nice to just hangout without worrying about it getting weird. He left the end of that summer and returned for winter break the following January. We barely contacted each other while he was gone, but when he returned he invited me to the opera. I was so excited since I’ve been going on these horrible job interview/teeth pulling like dates. Finally!! I finally got to go on a nice date with someone I really enjoy spending time with.

The entire date felt very surreal. I felt like Loretta Castorini in Moonstruck when she gets all glammed up to go to the Opera for the first time and falls for her date after having such a magical night. We had the entire Opera experience with dinner before the show, dessert during intermission and champagne throughout the meal. Jack is not a very aggressive type of guy so it was very cute when he slowly went for my hand during the show. I was so giddy for the first time in a very long time. When he dropped me off I really thought he would make a move, but he didn’t. Instead it ended with me going for the kiss and getting nothing in return. Very awkWARD!! Even more awkward when my drunk ass tried it again and got a very tight lipped kiss in return.

Jack came over for dinner the night before he had to leave for Argentina. I had given up and refused to even flirt with him. We had a nice dinner and drank the wine he brought over. After a few glasses he kept telling me he had a confession to make but needed to drink a little more before he confessed. His little confession was that he developed a crush on me when we went to college together, but since I had a boyfriend he never was able to act on those feelings. We then had a long talk about how we felt about each other and how it was poor timing since he was leaving the next day. He finally made a move and stayed over that night. It definitely was bittersweet. The entire time he was gone I received flowers, little gifts, letters and post cards almost every week. It was so nice getting all that attention by someone that genuinely wanted and had been wanting to be with me. It was very romantic and definitely nothing I had ever experienced in the past.

Days before his return I started feeling very anxious and praying I wasn’t going to fuck this up. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling this way because when he was gone I just wanted to start my relationship with him. I invited him over for dinner the first night he returned. He came over with two very large bags of individually wrapped gifts, a bottle of wine, and flowers from my favorite Flower Shop. One of the gifts I opened were old Tango records that I put on as I unwrapped the rest of the gifts. He had a story for every gift explaining where he bought it, why he bought and how it was a perfect gift for me. It really was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. He stayed over that night and I began to feel very ill. The next morning I called out sick from work since I could barely open my eyes from the huge migraine I had. He ran out to the Pharmacy to get me some Vitamin Water and medication. I stayed in bed the entire day while he walked my dog, cleaned my kitchen and gave me my medicine. When I got up and went into the living room, he asked me if he can just leave his toothbrush in the bathroom instead of having to bring it over every time (he basically wanted to be another roommate!!) My head immediately started to spin after that and I wanted to puke (on his toothbrush). It dawned on me then and there, I was not into him at all and he was definitely invading my space. He wouldn’t leave!!! I had to finally tell him that it was going to be an early night for me since I had to work the next day and needed my rest. He finally left at 10pm the next night. I felt really sick about the entire situation.

My friend from North Carolina was visiting and invited her and her girlfriend to stay over my place for the weekend. A crew of us went out that Saturday and I decided to give Jack another chance and invited him as well. The entire night I just wanted him gone and really did not feel attracting to him in the slightest. At the end of the night I gave up my bed to my friend and her girlfriend hoping that Jack would realize that all I had to sleep on was the couch and there isn’t room for the both of us. I also made a comment about him taking home the food he brought over earlier that day. He asked if he could crash for a little bit in order to sober up. Being the nice person that I am, I accepted. We went for a walk since I had to take me dog out and I lost it. I began to cry and told him that I couldn’t do this, that I wasn’t ready to get involved. His mouth dropped and he then expressed how hurt he felt but that he understood considering what I have been through. I felt better and thought he would leave after that conversation, but he didn’t. I ended up sleeping on the floor while he slept on the couch. He didn’t leave until 3:30pm the next day!!

I really thought after that conversation he would get the hint, but I was wrong. He emailed me a long message about how happy he is to be home and start our relationship. I then had to email him back and was more blunt about how I can’t, I’m not ready, and how I don’t want to continue any further since my head isn’t right. He wanted to get together to talk about this face to face. I agreed since I figured it was the least I can do. We went out to dinner and then went for a long walk to talk. It was almost like a counseling session on my 11 yr relationship and what I need to do in order to be okay. He asked so many questions about it and analyzed ever answer I had. He was an amazing listener and I felt a lot better about everything. The next day I get a phone call by him telling me all the places he wants to take me to and how I should meet his best friend that was going to be in town. What happened to giving me space??? I told him I’d give him a call when I wanted to go out.

A few days go by and I get an email basically saying that he now realizes that I am not ready for a relationship and how he would like to come by to take all the gifts back. I was a bit thrown back by this but was happy to give it all back since it didn’t feel right keeping everything. He came over and it was very awkward so I then asked him how he was doing in which he replies “I feel hurt and cut. I can barely breathe. Not handling this very well.” I really didn’t know what to say to that other than “I’m sorry”. Really, what did I have to be sorry for though? Sorry that I couldn’t handle being smothered so fast. Sorry that you didn’t know when to leave. Sorry that I don’t want to jump into something after being in a relationship that had been a scam for so many years. I really did feel horrible for hurting him. I actually hated myself for not wanting someone so thoughtful until I received another email from him a few weeks later. Weeks go by and I receive a message from him wanted the rest of his stuff back that he left at my place like the beer he brought over a month prior, tea bags, and other small gifts he gave me and my roommate. His true colors finally showed and I thought to myself, “Wow, I really dodged a bullet there.” He was a bit cold in the email and would say he was coming one day and then tell me last minute that it wasn’t a good day. I finally emailed him that he could pick up his things at my friends boutique and gave him her hours of operation so I never had to see him again.

Jack was supposed to be Mr. Nice Guy, the guy that says and does all the “right” things. However, his entire persona was bullshit and his true colors showed as soon as things didn’t go the way he wanted them to go. The fact is, I was tired of being single and wanted it to work so badly with him since he was such a “nice” guy. It never felt right with him and it was almost as if I was waiting for his true colors to show. I have to learn to be patient because there has to be someone out there for me that is smart, fun, attractive and has his shit together. I plan to give it another year before I start to freak the fuck out.

Polygamy is the New Black

I’m not sure if I was just naïve and inexperienced for so many years or if I chose to not see what was really going on around me. It really felt like all the cheaters were coming out of the closet all at once and infidelity was the trendy thing to do. When I had to repeat my story to different friends or coworkers about why I am now single, I suddenly became numb about it and told the story very nonchalantly. I mean what really made me so different than others that have been cheated on? Hasn’t everyone been cheated on at one point or another? Well, that’s what it felt like after being surrounded by different situations shortly after my breakup.

I was very fortunate of the support group I had, including his friends, which he was unaware of. One of his friends, who we will call J, reached out to me shortly after. He was one of those friends that is very unpredictable and very very obnoxious. I was definitely not going to miss J, but I appreciated the empathetic email I received from him. J was planning a trip to Argentina with his girlfriend and wanted to get my recommendations on places to go since my family is from there. However, I was unfamiliar with the places he was planning to visit so I told him I was not going to be much help. I would continue receiving text messages from him about getting a bite to eat or going out for a drink. I never thought much of it since he had a girlfriend (as if I didn’t learn my lesson from my own situation). I had no intention of ever hanging out with J since I did not enjoy his company even when I was with X so I was definitely not going to enjoy his company now. I started getting a little concerned when I started receiving messages from him at 1-3am about wanting to come over my place. Luckily he did not know where my new apt was. He would then apologize the next day since he was drunk at the time and said he was drunk dialing several people so I just brushed it off. One night the texting got out of control. He basically was calling for a “booty call”. I tried to bring him back to reality and give him some advice on not cheating and the consequences that could come out of it. He quickly responded with “I would never cheat on my girlfriend!” The rest of the conversation went…

            Me: I’m sorry, maybe I misunderstood, sounded like you would have with me.

              J: Well, if anything were to happen then I would tell her.

            Me: You make no sense and it sounds like you need to deal with your issues with

                    your girlfriend. BTW, I thought you were X’s friend?

              J: I would only hangout with him to see you.

The messages quickly got very uncomfortable and I stopped responding. In a way I wanted to make sense of the situation and pick his brain as to why he was acting the way he was. In a weird way I thought if I kept asking all the questions I wanted to know about my past situation, I would get all the answers as to why X did what he did. I quickly realized that I may never understand it and that this is a completely separate situation of craziness. The only possible similarity with both situations is that J and X were fucked in the head and I really had nothing to do with it. The next morning he sent me a message letting me know that he was not going to mention the conversation to X. I on the other hand had nothing to hide and told X everything that happened. X was not happy but it’s no longer my problem.

The preceding year was surrounded by situations of infidelity due to people being unhappy in their relationships. Is infidelity the only route to take without dealing with the problems? All these situations and unhappy relationships made it feel really good to be single. However, I started to date a lot, but had the tendency of writing men off real quick. I do not enjoy being alone and really do miss being in a relationship but the idea of dealing with infidelity again makes me physically ill. Being intimate with someone without having emotions involved made things so much easier. The downside of that though, is the sex isn’t that great when there are no emotions.

A year came and went and another trip to Montreal was way over due. Jonathan would continue contacting me on a quarterly basis through email. His behavior towards me would make one believe we had a torrid love affair when in actuality we had a really good time at a house party. There is no doubt about the bond we had that night over our recent heartbreaks. We pretty much gave each other the affection one another needed to deal with the pain. I also liked the idea of knowing people all over the world to have friends to visit so I would continue responding to his quarterly emails even though he would disappear every now and then. Anther three months went by and he contacted me in August asking me when I was coming to visit. We scheduled another trip for the first weekend in September and made plans to see Jonathan on that Saturday. That Saturday morning I received a text from him asking if we can still meet up which I responded with “of course, let me know when you’ll be around”. KB and I went walking around that day to eat and shop. As we were walking down the street we noticed a familiar looking guy with his arm around a girl passing us by. I quickly looked over to KB and said “wasn’t that…”  Jonathan apparently was not single and after he was caught I haven’t heard from him since and nor do I want to. As shitty as the situation was, I really needed to see that and I almost think that someone was looking over me to make sure I was aware of what his situation really was.

With all the crazy infidelity situations I’ve been surrounded by, I still refuse to believe that everyone would choose that route. I know the way I am and if I would choose another more ethical route, I would like to believe someone else would too. I just have to remind myself that even though being single can be lonely at times, being in a bad relationship is even lonelier.

C'est La Vie

Amazing how one’s life can change in a matter of minutes. One moment you’re living with your boyfriend of 11 yrs and the next moment you’re kicking him out of your apt after reading a 5 page email from his mistress of how he’s done you wrong for the past 7yrs. Where does one go after finding out your relationship has been a scam? Therapy? Nah, that’s too cliché. Jump off a roof? Nah, wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Montreal!!! Montreal, the land of beautiful people, good food, and a wonderful public biking system.

I had a Montreal trip planned for the end of the month with my boyfriend which fell through after I found out he was a douche bag. Luckily my really good friend, KB, lived around the corner from me was planning a solo trip to Montreal that same weekend. I already canceled my reservations but then decided to go with her since I needed to get out which was the best decision I ever made.

I vowed that I was not going to act like the typical woman that just had her heart stomped on. I refused to let this break me down and control my life. I’m not going to lie though, the first couple weeks were brutal. Couldn’t eat, sleep, or stay in our apt for more than 15minutes unless it was time to go to bed. Thanks to some good ol’ sleeping pills and a little Mary Jane, I slept like a baby at night. I also refused to talk about him during the trip, didn’t want to ruin my time or KB’s time by being a Debby Downer. Having this trip to look forward to was helping and since I was now single I needed to buy some new single clothing to put myself back in the game. However, this was going to be a completely different game than it was 11 yrs ago when I was only 19. Back then, I could care less about marriage, having kids, money and stability. I was also very uncomfortable under my own skin, a virgin, naive, and living with my parents. Now I’m in my thirties…nuff said. Long story short…I was scared as fuck! Did I show it…hell no!!

Day one we get to our room at Le Nouvel and it wreaked of cigarettes. We ran to the drug store for Fabreze and it still smelled after using the entire bottle. Little fact about people from Montreal, they love to smoke. We head over for some sandwiches at a local spot, sit outside, ordered a delicious merguez sandwich with a mixed green salad and chased it with some mojitos. I sat back for a second to enjoy the ambiance which made me smile. Looking around at the cobblestone roads, the French wording on all the storefronts, the affectionate couples and the children sounding like Jerry’s French cousin from “Tom and Jerry”, all makes me happy. We walked around the rest of the day before heading back to our hotel to get ready for the night. That night we head over to La Sala Rosa to check out this band “Stereo Total”. I was pretty exhausted from the long active day we just had so I was not planning to stay for too long. After "Stereo Total" finished their set, we were going to leave after one more drink. As we leaned against the bar watching the next band perform, I couldn’t help but notice this really attractive man standing next to me. I have no idea how to approach the situation so I figure if I just make eye contact and keep glancing over from time to time, he may just notice that I’m checking him out and start talking to me. Unfortunately, he kept doing the same but wouldn’t talk to me. It wasn’t until KB got frustrated and said “oh come on! This is getting ridiculous! If you don’t talk to him then I will!!” She went over to him and his friend and said “will you be our translator since we don’t speak French?” Lucky for me he spoke English very well, gave me a big smile and introduced himself as Jonathan. We must have spoke for about an hour before he invited us to his friend’s house party. We leave the bar with a group of his friends who do not speak English very well but try their best to keep us in their conversations. We playfully try to learn some useful words in French while we walk over to the party. As we walk, Jonathan proceeds to hold my hand and looks at me as if we’ve been with one another for years. We spoke Spanish to each other since he lived in Argentina for some time, which is a nice surprise since that is where my family is from. I’m on cloud 9, I suddenly feel something that I haven’t felt in years, pure happiness. For a moment the question pops into my head “how can I have felt so down a few days ago and feel so up right now?” Then I realize that it really doesn’t matter at this moment and to just enjoy this feeling before it fades.

We get to the party and Jonathan leads me to the roof top of this house which is an amazing view. We find a nice quiet spot away from everywhere and sit as close together as possible without having to sit on his lap since it was a bit chilly. I ask him why it took him so long to talk to me and he then tells me how he is going through a break up and looking for a new place to live. I stop myself from pushing him hard as if I’m Elaine from Seinfeld and yelling “GET OUT, me too!!!” After bonding over our break ups, he leaned over, looked into my eyes and I then felt his warm full lips press on to mine. My entire body suddenly felt warm. I haven’t kissed another guy other than my ex in quite some time and if felt so damn good. He was so gentle but so passionate at the same time. I didn’t want to stop kissing him and I wanted him to take me then and there. After having our little make-out session, we go back down stairs to find KB. She had probably met the entire party while I was gone since she was surrounded by new friends bringing her over drinks and some even telling her their problems. The rest of the night was pure euphoria with this very attractive man that has a very sexy accent swooning all over me. By the end of the night he asks me where I was sleeping. I really wanted him to come with me but I was sharing a room with KB and not to mention I was a rookie when it came to meeting men and sleeping with them the first night. We exchanged numbers and made plans for the following day before KB and I went back to our hotel.

The next day we met up with Jonathan and his friends at a local park and watched them play softball. The vibe seemed to change that next day between us so we didn’t stay too long. The rest of the time we texted back and forth but we didn’t meet again. I didn’t let it ruin my time and pretty much took it for what it was…an amazing night. If it wasn’t for our brief interaction, I would have continued to be scared as fuck to be single again. Meeting him made me realize that it’s not so hard being single and meeting men again. It made me feel wanted and that’s all I was looking for at that time. I do keep in touch with Jonathan and hoped to some day meet again. The rest of the time we spent it enjoying the food, the views, the biking, and the nightlife. The trip was very therapeutic and it led to the planning of many other amazing trips.