I’m not sure if I was just naïve and inexperienced for so many years or if I chose to not see what was really going on around me. It really felt like all the cheaters were coming out of the closet all at once and infidelity was the trendy thing to do. When I had to repeat my story to different friends or coworkers about why I am now single, I suddenly became numb about it and told the story very nonchalantly. I mean what really made me so different than others that have been cheated on? Hasn’t everyone been cheated on at one point or another? Well, that’s what it felt like after being surrounded by different situations shortly after my breakup.
I was very fortunate of the support group I had, including his friends, which he was unaware of. One of his friends, who we will call J, reached out to me shortly after. He was one of those friends that is very unpredictable and very very obnoxious. I was definitely not going to miss J, but I appreciated the empathetic email I received from him. J was planning a trip to Argentina with his girlfriend and wanted to get my recommendations on places to go since my family is from there. However, I was unfamiliar with the places he was planning to visit so I told him I was not going to be much help. I would continue receiving text messages from him about getting a bite to eat or going out for a drink. I never thought much of it since he had a girlfriend (as if I didn’t learn my lesson from my own situation). I had no intention of ever hanging out with J since I did not enjoy his company even when I was with X so I was definitely not going to enjoy his company now. I started getting a little concerned when I started receiving messages from him at 1-3am about wanting to come over my place. Luckily he did not know where my new apt was. He would then apologize the next day since he was drunk at the time and said he was drunk dialing several people so I just brushed it off. One night the texting got out of control. He basically was calling for a “booty call”. I tried to bring him back to reality and give him some advice on not cheating and the consequences that could come out of it. He quickly responded with “I would never cheat on my girlfriend!” The rest of the conversation went…
Me: I’m sorry, maybe I misunderstood, sounded like you would have with me.
J: Well, if anything were to happen then I would tell her.
Me: You make no sense and it sounds like you need to deal with your issues with
your girlfriend. BTW, I thought you were X’s friend?
J: I would only hangout with him to see you.
The messages quickly got very uncomfortable and I stopped responding. In a way I wanted to make sense of the situation and pick his brain as to why he was acting the way he was. In a weird way I thought if I kept asking all the questions I wanted to know about my past situation, I would get all the answers as to why X did what he did. I quickly realized that I may never understand it and that this is a completely separate situation of craziness. The only possible similarity with both situations is that J and X were fucked in the head and I really had nothing to do with it. The next morning he sent me a message letting me know that he was not going to mention the conversation to X. I on the other hand had nothing to hide and told X everything that happened. X was not happy but it’s no longer my problem.
The preceding year was surrounded by situations of infidelity due to people being unhappy in their relationships. Is infidelity the only route to take without dealing with the problems? All these situations and unhappy relationships made it feel really good to be single. However, I started to date a lot, but had the tendency of writing men off real quick. I do not enjoy being alone and really do miss being in a relationship but the idea of dealing with infidelity again makes me physically ill. Being intimate with someone without having emotions involved made things so much easier. The downside of that though, is the sex isn’t that great when there are no emotions.
A year came and went and another trip to Montreal was way over due. Jonathan would continue contacting me on a quarterly basis through email. His behavior towards me would make one believe we had a torrid love affair when in actuality we had a really good time at a house party. There is no doubt about the bond we had that night over our recent heartbreaks. We pretty much gave each other the affection one another needed to deal with the pain. I also liked the idea of knowing people all over the world to have friends to visit so I would continue responding to his quarterly emails even though he would disappear every now and then. Anther three months went by and he contacted me in August asking me when I was coming to visit. We scheduled another trip for the first weekend in September and made plans to see Jonathan on that Saturday. That Saturday morning I received a text from him asking if we can still meet up which I responded with “of course, let me know when you’ll be around”. KB and I went walking around that day to eat and shop. As we were walking down the street we noticed a familiar looking guy with his arm around a girl passing us by. I quickly looked over to KB and said “wasn’t that…” Jonathan apparently was not single and after he was caught I haven’t heard from him since and nor do I want to. As shitty as the situation was, I really needed to see that and I almost think that someone was looking over me to make sure I was aware of what his situation really was.
With all the crazy infidelity situations I’ve been surrounded by, I still refuse to believe that everyone would choose that route. I know the way I am and if I would choose another more ethical route, I would like to believe someone else would too. I just have to remind myself that even though being single can be lonely at times, being in a bad relationship is even lonelier.
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